What is your relationship with your womb? Your physical womb if you have one, your pelvic bowl if you don’t have one?
Nonexistent? Indifferent? Tolerant? Conflictive? Depressive? Repressive?
If you’re not even sure how to answer this questions, I get it. These are the words I would use to describe most women’s relationships with their womb and womb space and it also was mine own. In fact for years I would beg the different doctors I saw to take them out. Who’s them? The two wombs. Yes, you see I don’t have just one womb...I have two. This meant more than one bleed time a month for me since they didn’t sync up. This meant double the pain of normal endometriosis. This meant way more “inconvenience.”
They were temperamental, unpredictable, unruly, and definitely wild. Now, I understand why.
I was at war with my wombs once I finally figured out what was happening. My first experience with them was so painful each month it would cause me to vomit or pass out. The doctor’s discovered I had a vaginal septum blocking one of my wombs from entirely emptying her blood each month. As I experienced more doctor visits than I wish to remember and painful examinations that felt like torture, I was ready to not be a woman at the ripe age of...11.
I witnessed the anguish and fear on my parents faces as the doctors struggled to understand what was happening, or even how I worked. The condition was rare, misunderstood, and “abnormal.” My parents, being the loving people they are, always put a positive spin on it. “You’re extra special.” I didn’t buy it for a long time. I felt...cursed.
And so it began. A long journey to poke and probe them to understand why they were so difficult. Many vials of blood given to the gods of research without answers to why I was so different. Strong hormones to keep it all under wraps. Every few years they would rise up and be angry. Symptoms would get stronger and extreme. For a three month period in my twenties I bled non-stop. I was awoken in the middle of the night, screaming at the top of my lungs, shocked awake by cramps that were more like contractions.
In an attempt to create a “normal” life for me, my wombs were shut down. After pleading with my doctor over and over again to just take them out, she suggested instead that I take injections to put them into menopause. So for two years, my wombs were put to sleep. The same medication they give to breast cancer patients.
These injections turned off the bleeding, off the gut curling cramping, and brought me new side effects. Each day was an assessment of what symptoms I was trading for what. Were the hot flashes, headaches, and deterioration of my vaginal tissues better than the pain and the bleeding? Strangely the answer was yes.
Over time the injections caught up to me. My body got confused by the prolonged intensive hormonal treatment and my breasts started producing breast milk as I grew a tiny belly. My body thought I was pregnant and I was far from it. My doctor ended the injections and I started birth control again, taking hormonal packs back to back in an attempt to not allow my endometriosis to return. Then, I waited and watched.
It’s around this time that I learned about the chakras for the first time. I learned that there was an energy center connected to our womb space called the sacral chakra. It rules creativity, manifestation, sexuality, close relationships, and the first healer I saw told me my sacral chakra looked like a nuclear reactor. Something big was wrong and they were right.
“Within every woman is a Wild and Natural creature, a powerful force, filled with good instincts, passionate creativity, and ageless knowing. Her name is Wild Woman, but she is...an endangered species.” ~ Clarissa Pinkola Estes
The truth was that I had been pushing down the woman inside of me for years. In many ways, I was resentful for being a woman because of this cursed reproductive system inside of me that activated at age 11. While I was feminist, I also sometimes wished I was a man without the worries of monthly cycle management. This meant that I had been ignoring, shoving down, and stomping on the feminine side of myself in my wombs.
Did you know a woman’s intuition is located deep inside of her womb? Your soul’s voice, your direct plug into the Divine, your ancient knowing, your inner GPS...is in your pelvis? Yeah...
Most of us don’t know this. I didn’t know this for a long time. So imagine, for decades, I was trying to essentially, cut out the ancient treasure I was desperately seeking for sooooo long on my spiritual path. I was hungry for an intimate relationship with the Divine. I was dedicated to seeking sacred wisdom. And all along...the library, the wisdom, the sage I was seeking was in my very own pelvis.
Dominant teachings about intuition teach that it is located in the mind. At the third eye behind the forehead. This teaching interests me because later I was exposed to women-led lineages that taught me something entirely different that felt more true. They claimed that my intuition as a woman is actually in my womb. I know women have multiple intuition centers now, but their deepest center lives in their womb.
Is it any surprise that the mind has been upheld as even the king of the mysterious and unseen? Masculine teachings favor the intellectual center above all other parts of the body. This is convenient for them. This gives them power as it keeps women disconnected from their own. This is not by accident.
In a world where masculine-dominated religion and politics have extended their rule and control onto women’s bodies, it’s no surprise that even the most “progressive” or “transcending” of these spiritual teachings STILL don’t acknowledge the power that each woman carries in her womb.
When women put our minds before our wombs, we falsely reinforce the idea that the mind is the leader for our connection to deeper seen and unseen. For women, this keeps us disconnected from our bodies and most of all, disconnected from our innate ANCIENT wisdom embedded deep inside. This makes us anxious, seeking answers outside of ourselves, struggling for externally filled validation, and constantly questioning ourselves.
For this week’s Joy Tip Wednesday I want to invite you to start turning the tide back towards your power center...your womb space.
It’s time for a new story. A new relationship. A reckoning to bring Her back to her rightful place in your life. My own journey with this has been years in the making and it’s still unfolding. So I’m not expecting everything to change for you overnight. However, you can take one big step today by being open to the idea that your greatest teacher, healer, and guide is...your very own womb.
She holds stories of your past lives. Remembrances of who you are and who you were. Connections with your ancestors. The first moments of your life. The most impactful memories with your family. The deep seated roots of your deep seated patterns. Learning how to access her, honor her, devote yourself to her, unearths the wisdom that is your treasure to claim.
She’s been misunderstood for eons. Oversimplified as a vessel to only bring offspring into the world. Misunderstood as the source of unacceptable mood swings and emotional outbursts. Disrespected as the source of discomfort and problems, needing to be controlled, changed, modified. Often seen as The problem.
Your womb is not the problem. She is the The Answer.
To get started, I want to invite you to write your own womb story. Include your relationship to your womb/womb space (is it existent? Indifferent? Conflicting? or full of animosity until now?) What messages did you receive growing up from your family, school teachers, friends, and society about your womb? What physical symptoms have you experienced in your womb space? This is all important wisdom.
Notice where you need to forgive yourself. Allow yourself to move emotions through your body if they emerge. Forgive, forgive, forgive yourself. Love, love, love yourself. And then, burn it all. Burn the story in a ceremonial release. Say goodbye to your old ways of relating.
This is now your story and your chapter to write. Write on Wild One.
Ready to change your relationship with your womb and access your divine-given intuition? Let’s talk. You can schedule a free consultation with me HERE. If we both agree we are a strong match, we’ll plan some empowering 1:1 work together.
much love,
Marci