I'm closing on a house this week and I should be excited.
After all, this house been months in the making. But life throws you curve balls sometimes and that's exactly what happened to us last month.
You haven't heard from me in a while and might be wondering why. A few of you even reached out to ask when doors will open to my intuition program Intuition Unlocked. And well, sometimes life takes different turns than we hoped for.
Have you ever felt the greatest joy you've ever known and the deepest gut wrenching grief in the same week?
That sums up what happened to us last month.
Triggering warning - I discuss pregnancy loss below.
In March we received life giving news that we were pregnant. Ecstatic with joy we squeezed each other hard and cried. The doctor's office affirmed that I was well into the first trimester. So we picked up the phone and called our family to share the news. That weekend was probably the most joy my heart has ever felt as each phone called weaved together surprised joyful cries throughout our families.
Unfortunately our joy was met with a shock that Monday when we went for our first sonogram and they couldn't find a heartbeat. As staff started showering us with "I'm so sorry" on our way to chat further with the doctor I felt shocked and confused as we still didn't really understand what any of this meant.
24 hours later I started miscarrying. For four days my body labored my lost child and when bleeding and pain got out of control, I was rushed by ambulance to the ER. After a battery of tests, I was whisked away to emergency surgery.
Recovery hasn't been so straight forward and hard. Physically and emotionally. Author Sunita Osborn refers to experiencing a miscarriage as a unique form of hell. I couldn't agree more.
People in my life always tell me I'm the strongest person they know. Right now I'm accessing a different kind of strength.
This deeper strength in dark times affirms:
Soft is strong.
Gentle is the bedrock.
Slow is the new fast.
And healing is not about moving beyond but navigating with.
This vulnerable place gave me strength to:
Send messages to close friends to tell them I'm fragile and need extra support and love right now.
Give myself permission to do business differently right now to give myself space to recover and heal.
Let go of the need to wear the mask of "normal me" and let myself show up just as she is.
Be in the grief and waves of emotions when they come. They're important.
Surrender any timelines for healing and let go of a search for silver linings.
This means a couple of things.
First, my podcast Tune In with Marci is on a mini hiatus as I allow myself to slow down between clients and admin work. I do my best to walk my talk and I believe my best work is born from the dedication I extend towards my own healing and growth. The podcast will return. Make sure to stick around for an even more powerful return and take this time to catch up on episodes you've missed https://www.marcimoberg.com/podcast. Second, I've let go of exact dates for when doors will open for Intuition Unlocked. I hope sometime between now and the end of May I promise you'll be the first to know when doors do open. In the meantime, I'll pop into your inbox from time to time and I have no doubt that I'll share more of this journey in the weeks/months to come.
10 to 15 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I've even seen statistics say that 1 in 4 women have experienced a miscarriage. This means that whether you know it or not, women in your life have experienced miscarriage. In fact when I shared about my own miscarriage with a few close friends, I learned that even more friends than I realized experienced miscarriage, but never spoke about it. They all shared that their miscarriage was one of the biggest heartbreaks they've ever experienced and left a permanent hole in their hearts to this day.
This imprint is important. Many healing practitioners talk about healing from trauma as if we can move beyond our trauma and leave it behind. What I know to be true is that...
trauma leaves its permanent mark on us and shapes who we are. Rather than forcing ourselves to move beyond trauma, let's develop an awareness of the marks trauma leaves on our hearts.
Understanding how trauma shapes me empowers me to extend self-compassion to the places in my heart that are marked by the past and may be ignited in the present or future. The loving act of embracing our whole heart is the source of our greatest strength. Then, instead of pushing ourselves to falsely move beyond we authentically move with all the parts of ourselves. This expansive space is where our wholeness and life intentionally designed is born.
Could you love yourself so much that you include every deep grove and mark on your heart exactly as it is? This is my hope for you.
much love,
Marci
PS. My life-changing intuition development program (Intuition Unlocked, formerly Intuition 101) is opening for enrollment next month! If you want to dive deeper into psychic protection, this program will be the perfect opportunity to learn psychic protection techniques and boundaries. Make sure you’re on my newsletter list to be the first to know when doors open!